secondsmiley

all roads lead to rome

so this is what it has come down to.

some meaningful hours, many less so.
some thrilling socialising and some tough love.
one Very creepy deja vu and some money, courtesy of taxpayers.

wasted time and useless shits, good for two things.
many realisations as to relative importance of people and matters.
many realisations about the world and its vices.
one heavy heart, and one confused brain.
many many wants and one huckleberry finn.

many kilometres travelled, and many glasses and bottles.
so many piano keys ringing, and the jargon of a language.
some banking, infrastructure built, sound optimised.
a night in the gardens, and four nasty bites.
preparations made, some undone. many hours of shows,
a few blissful nights, few more terrible ones.
a few night-morning adventures to remember.
many graphs, charts, indicators and reports.
many dollars on the line,
lots and lots of love for those around me.

its impossible to continue.
prying your brain for selected memories may trigger unwanted ones.
incoherently vomitted, this is my impression of how my time was spent

sometimes the things we know most of ourselves never exactly play out the way we want or expect.
id expect myself to stay indoors, but now im running out into the storm,
looking for an umbrella to shelter myself. sure. i run the risk of hurting myself out there, but i also reach my destination quicker.

we will Very often fail to see what can actually make us infinitely happier and more complete because we still harp on something from our past that once made us happy because staying there makes us feel stable because its a single element that doesnt change while our lives change so so rapidly. we believe we’ll be happy again, and of course there will be relief, comfort and joy when we think we do make peace with our past by a “conclusion” we now think we want, but its only a while before we realise that we’ve changed.

one day very far in the future, or sooner should we make it happen, our blinders will come off and we will regret all the lost opportunities we had to be much more comfortable than we can imagine right now, as we look back at our pasts from when we should be happy but arent..
in the meantime we’ll refuse the plaster for our wounds and sit in the rain waiting for an infection whilst looking at our past and imagine the fake happiness based on our false ideals, and not know how fake the happiness is, and how stupid our ideals are.

we think we’re young and have all the time to make mistakes, but we dont realise that some doors close early. the doors that would have led us to such a different place. some doors seem impossible to get through because of our false ideals and we fail to see our future selves smiling back from the other side and beckoning us over. when these doors close but the corridors of the doors we go into and the ones we should have gone into, but didnt, one day intersect, we will all regret our youths

all roads lead to rome, but which rome?

contingency for the cessation of mortality

be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word

BRIANNA WIEST

I don’t believe in coincidence. I’ve had and have seen too many experiences that have been too strange and ironic to be happenstance. Honestly, the idea of “fate” has become such a cliche, but it shouldn’t be. My personal belief system includes the idea that our lives are for the purpose of our soul development. I think we have planned what will happen to us with precision and sound reason. However, I don’t think we’re mentally conscious of these plans. That meaning, there are milestones and points that we will inevitably get to in our lives. There may be different paths to arrive, but ultimately, the end-goal is the same. We have the free will to decide what our experiences will be based on what we most need to learn and understand, and we have our choice of how we’d like to experience them, and of course, how we get there.

But we’re not aware of these things while they’re happening. Because when things don’t go the way we think they should, it’s not a walk in the park. They all make sense in retrospect, when we see how the plan was meant to unfold. But in the moment, we often don’t recognize that we’re being hit with a huge dose of oh-this-was-totally-meant-to-happen when things aren’t going swimmingly. And if we were aware, it could and probably would change how we react to things that come our way.

Often, the things that make the least sense are the ones that make the most sense eventually. When something is so random, even unwanted, and you can’t understand how or why you’re being led a certain way, there’s a reason. It’s fate when something is just too uncanny. I think all of the random things that happen at just the right time in just the right place are too strategically placed to be random.

It’s fate when you have that gut feeling. I’m of the belief that we all have an internal atlas. A compass that knows what we planned to do even when our consciousness doesn’t. When your gut is telling you something, you have to listen. Your soul knows what’s meant to happen. Your mind usually doesn’t.

When the circumstances are against the odds, but something happens regardless, it’s fate. It’s another way of saying uncanny coincidences aren’t coincidences at all. Really consider the logic behind this idea. If the odds are against you and yet things repeatedly work out, there’s something else at work.

When you’re given what you need at just the right time, it’s fate. The universe has a funny way of providing for you when you least expect it. Fate rears it’s beautiful head when you least expect it as well. Because the most important way you know it’s fate is when you don’t think it is at all. It’s the unexpected; it’s not understanding how or why you’re being led in the direction that you are. It’s the misunderstood that turns out to be the miraculous. Go with it, it’s happening right now.

time is running out.
one mistake, one more, or many more?

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.
You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week.
There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.
Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored.
Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.
Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour.
And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.
A fear of time running out.

my friend had to shit and flush the toilet before continuing to shit cuz shes so full of shit, one flush wasnt enough.

somebody is shitting and tumblring. i can smell the stink from the outside.